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Submitted on
May 14, 2008
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the years
track across my face
trailing lines,
traces,
scars in my
once-smooth
complexion, darkening
blonde hair to brown,
streaking it
with white

yet still
does my heart
race when you
reach for me, blood
burns, skin
sings, and
time-softened
lips know well
the path to
eden
Just thinking... :heart:
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:iconalecbell:
AlecBell Featured By Owner May 29, 2008
It's always good to bang the "life goes on" drum, and it helps when the drummer is as convincing as you.

I do have a reservation, that the opening of the second stanza could be strengthened.

Your use of the question syntax "does my heart" is a little incongruous against the poem's contemporary colloquial diction. Yet my heart still races?
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:iconblueskye27:
Blueskye27 Featured By Owner May 29, 2008  Hobbyist Writer
You're right. I need to get back to this one. Thanks. :hug:
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:iconprosaic-scriptor:
Prosaic-Scriptor Featured By Owner May 28, 2008  Hobbyist General Artist
Awww....

And they're not "scars". That's negative. *waggles finger back forth*
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:iconblueskye27:
Blueskye27 Featured By Owner May 28, 2008  Hobbyist Writer
I don't know...I think wrinkles qualify as time scars. :D

Not to worry - since must of them are laugh lines, it's okay. :hug:
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:iconprosaic-scriptor:
Prosaic-Scriptor Featured By Owner May 28, 2008  Hobbyist General Artist
Haha, I guess.

Okay, then, that's good. :D
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:iconblueskye27:
Blueskye27 Featured By Owner May 28, 2008  Hobbyist Writer
:aww:
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:iconlylicagalatea:
LylicaGalatea Featured By Owner May 19, 2008   Photographer
it doesn't sound at all bad to grow old together with someone and lock up to him so much you can find him with closed eyes.
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:iconblueskye27:
Blueskye27 Featured By Owner May 19, 2008  Hobbyist Writer
That's a lovely sentiment - to find him with closed eyes. You sure you're not a poet? :aww:
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:iconlylicagalatea:
LylicaGalatea Featured By Owner May 19, 2008   Photographer
:D
:whisper: I wanted to say something els but translating it was too difficult so I simplified... lucky one :rofl:
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:iconblueskye27:
Blueskye27 Featured By Owner May 19, 2008  Hobbyist Writer
:hug::hug::hug:
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