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my voice...

frightens me

the words slide
onto the paper,
neatly in a row
like children
lined up in
the cafeteria

quiet as
obedient
kindergartners
put down for
their 1:00 nap

but when I
open my mouth
to speak, my
words defy me,
dare me to
utter them

into life

to reveal
myself to
any who
would
hear my
voice

and I find
myself mute
before them
Based on something a friend said about my reluctance to read my work aloud...
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:iconspectrumchaser:
Spectrumchaser Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2009
I like the way you compare your words to children. Like grade schoolers on paper, and then - let's see...unruly teenagers when you try to read them!

I think most people have some sort of anxiety about performing their own work. Even when I sing to my family my face is still beet red for the first couple songs. I find it helps to practice by recording them - then when I play them back (contrary to what I had been thinking) I find that they sound pretty good.

I'll bet if you practiced and could hear yourself you'd gain some confidence :hug:
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:iconblueskye27:
Blueskye27 Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
I never thought about recording myself; that sounds like a good idea. It's funny that I'm such a weenie just with my own stuff. I read poems to my class out of the book without batting an eyelash.

I didn't know that you sing. That's so cool. :w00t:
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:iconspectrumchaser:
Spectrumchaser Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2009
You can get a pretty decent mp3/dvr (digital voice recorder) for not a ton of money. Then if you end up not using the recording part of it much, you can still justify the purchase by using the mp3 feature alot! :D
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:iconblueskye27:
Blueskye27 Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
That's a thought... thanks, Julie. :hug:
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:iconspectrumchaser:
Spectrumchaser Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2009
Well, that's how I justified it to myself anyway! :laughing:
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:iconcolonelfitz:
ColonelFitz Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2009
Oddly enough, I can totally related. I say oddly, because anyone who knows me in real life knows that I pretty much never shut up... :roll:
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:iconblueskye27:
Blueskye27 Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
You know, you don't strike me as the type that would have this trouble. :hug:
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:iconteague-drydan:
Teague-Drydan Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
Nice poem. I think you hit a lot of what writing poets feel (as apposed to Spoken Word poets...if there's any difference...).

I feel much the same...and forcing oneself to read your own poetry doesn't always help that much. I've gotten over some of my shyness, but still have a long way to go. ^^ Still get disappointed that I can't read it aloud they way I read it in my head.
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:iconblueskye27:
Blueskye27 Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
We sound so much alike. It's something about revealing part of myself, afraid people won't like what they see, I guess. :hug:
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:iconteague-drydan:
Teague-Drydan Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
:nod: exactly. And, for me, the fear of failing to "perform" the poem the way I read in my head. Which is really setting myself up for failure...I can't even manage that in the privacy of my own room!
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:iconblueskye27:
Blueskye27 Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Oh, we're definitely alike! I can't even read my own to myself! :faint:
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:iconteague-drydan:
Teague-Drydan Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
Yay! A kindred spirit (at least in soem things :D)! :hug:

I can some of my less personal ones, but I still get the shakes and, probably, a shot of adrenaline when my name's called to go up. along with lingering doubts of how good my stuff really is ^^; despite what everyone here says.
I find that just gritting my teeth and forcing myself to do it (and to breathe) helps somewhat. Maybe...
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:iconblueskye27:
Blueskye27 Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
I can read other people's, just not mine. When I teach poetry, I read every single poem aloud to the class. It's just different when it's one's own because there's so much of me in it. Phew!
Reply
:iconteague-drydan:
Teague-Drydan Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
wow...I love it when profs to that, read the poem aloud (just so long's its not, say, up on a wall, reading in a monotone voice stuff assigned 2 days ago...).

I'm ok reading if reading sitting down, among my peers, reading someone else's stuff, but get me in font of the class...
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:iconblueskye27:
Blueskye27 Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
I love reading it then explaining it. It's so much fun when you introduce someone to poetry who has no experience with it. I love that. :)
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(1 Reply)
:iconalecbell:
AlecBell Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2009
I wonder if it's more a question of performing?

All performance requires that the performer forget of otherwise lose herself.

Trust the voice, let it do its own speaking. Then you can learn more about what your art's about?
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:iconblueskye27:
Blueskye27 Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Perhaps I just don't trust myself then, you think? Yes, I suppose so.
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:iconalecbell:
AlecBell Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2009
The self is not really at issue, I think. Attention on the self is always likely to be self- sabotaging.

The voice is what you find when you lose yourself?
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:iconadmantina:
Admantina Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2009
I can relate.

But no matter what, your poetry is still beautiful. I'm sure one day you'll find the confidence. :)
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:iconblueskye27:
Blueskye27 Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you. dA has been good for my confidence. Now I need to translate that to "real" life...
Reply
:iconwind-in-my-heart:
wind-in-my-heart Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2008
I really relate. Sometimes you know exactly what to say on a page, but when someone asks you a question, you stop short of telling them what you really think.
Reply
:iconblueskye27:
Blueskye27 Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2008  Hobbyist Writer
Yes, I know exactly what you mean. :hug:
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:icontopfiverecordsinc:
topfiverecordsInc Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2008
I'm right there with ya!
Reply
:iconblueskye27:
Blueskye27 Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2008  Hobbyist Writer
Yeah!
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:iconalleyana:
Alleyana Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2008  Hobbyist Writer
A lot of my poems rely on the structure and spacing of the words. If I read it out loud, then that aspect feels rather lost.
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:iconblueskye27:
Blueskye27 Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2008  Hobbyist Writer
I see what you mean. I'm just a little shy about it somehow...
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:iconalleyana:
Alleyana Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2008  Hobbyist Writer
Don't worry. I am, too. I have a slight stutter when I am nervous, and I repeat the same words over and over again without intending to. It makes for some awkward situations.
Reply
:iconblueskye27:
Blueskye27 Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2008  Hobbyist Writer
I tend to speak too quietly, more so if I'm nervous, so, yes, I think I can appreciate how you feel. :hug:
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:iconalleyana:
Alleyana Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2008  Hobbyist Writer
I tend to to speak too fast! Haha! I'm a blur of words.
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:iconhamletspants:
hamletspants Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2008
:hug: A great poem, and a good expression of very personal material.
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:iconblueskye27:
Blueskye27 Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2008  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you.
Reply
:iconthesekrimzonflames:
TheseKrimzonFlames Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2008
I completely understand. :hug:
Reply
:iconblueskye27:
Blueskye27 Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2008  Hobbyist Writer
It must be even harder with songs since they're always given voice. Thanks, Jamie. :hug:
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:iconthesekrimzonflames:
TheseKrimzonFlames Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2008
Sometimes it is. :) :heart:
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:iconloverz116:
loverz116 Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2008
i would like to read your poems aloud :) i can kind of relate to this poem...great poem!
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:iconblueskye27:
Blueskye27 Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2008  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks very much. :hug:
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:iconloverz116:
loverz116 Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2008
you welcome :)
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:iconvisage-porcelain:
visage-porcelain Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2008
i don't like reading my stuff aloud either...something about the power of it being silent...i like it so much better
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:iconblueskye27:
Blueskye27 Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2008  Hobbyist Writer
Yes, I understand that perfectly. :hug:
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:iconvisage-porcelain:
visage-porcelain Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2008
:cuddle:
Reply
:iconorlaindreas:
orlaindreas Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2008
I know how you feel, but like everyone else here am of the opinion that you have nothing to worry about. Beautiful stuff.
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:iconblueskye27:
Blueskye27 Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2008  Hobbyist Writer
That's so lovely of you. Thanks. :hug:
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:iconhectatenemesis:
HectateNemesis Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2008
i find it becomes so much more personal when you read your own poetry aloud
it is like a confession
and it implies that it is important enough to say when perhaps you yourself only deem it important enough to be read and discarded at others' whims
Reply
:iconblueskye27:
Blueskye27 Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2008  Hobbyist Writer
That's a great way to put it - confessional. On the paper, I have an extra layer of distance that's lost when it's voiced. Scary.

Thanks for the comment. :hug:
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:iconryugekko:
RYUGEKKO Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2008
I will not tell you to go and read it aloud as a test ,only to ask yourself if reading to someone you trust would help that someone or you .
We write for enjoyment in the reading and write it as such , maye if you wrote one for speaking aloud it would help.
I write alot for one of my muses ,but I would be scared to read her one of my works about her. However if I felt she needed my inflection to understand - in a second
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:iconblueskye27:
Blueskye27 Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2008  Hobbyist Writer
But I can't even read them when I'm alone... I'm going to have to really try. Thanks, Erik. :hug:
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:iconxxwreckoningxx:
XxWreckoningxX Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2008
I actually prefer reading mine aloud, it gives me a little bit more control when I'm letting someone know about my work. Plus, I'm so impatient waiting for people to read my stuff. =]
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:iconblueskye27:
Blueskye27 Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2008  Hobbyist Writer
I think that's wonderful! :w00t:
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:iconprairiedaisy:
prairiedaisy Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2008   Writer
because the writing feels like an extension of yourself
and reading it aloud is like speaking yourself into the air
and it's scary.
Reply
:iconblueskye27:
Blueskye27 Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2008  Hobbyist Writer
Fear of rejection in another form...
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