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the world conspires
against me

a garroting cord
an unyielding doorknob

a scratched throat
a bruised hip

small pains I’ll forget
by tomorrow

but today
in this silent house

they act as keys
unlocking the wellspring

of feeling  
I cannot contain

a choking lament
that dissolves

the world
into weeping
C.
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:iconnefex:
Nefex Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2009
I've been home alone a lot lately, so this is very easy to relate with
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:iconthe-mighty-pillow:
the-mighty-pillow Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
oh this is so beautiful :heart:

the ending is amazing and the images are great :)
i love this poem
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:iconmalandante:
Malandante Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Wonderful.
Reply
:iconloverz116:
loverz116 Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2009
i love the last 2 verses. you used words so beautifully although the poem seems dark

:heart:
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:iconalecbell:
AlecBell Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2009
This is a lot further into the dark than your protagonist usually gets.

The combination of the stark imagery of self destruction with the rather flat language increasesits potency.

I think thepeom wouldn't be i,proved by substituting taps or floodgates for keys. Therer is an incongruity brtween the notions of lock and key and the watery images that follow, but it's not beyond the orry range of dreams, Symbols can often make their point by conflicflincting?
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:iconyouinventedme:
YouInventedMe Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2009   Writer
a choking lament
that dissolves

the world
into weeping


:clap:
Reply
:iconspectrumchaser:
Spectrumchaser Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2009
You've been following me around again Cindy. God yes - I know this feeling.

Very well written and expressed. :hug:
Reply
:iconblueskye27:
Blueskye27 Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
It was just one of those days, ya know? Today's been better though. :hug:
Reply
:iconspectrumchaser:
Spectrumchaser Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2009
Do I ever! :huggle:
Reply
:iconerene:
erene Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2009
Very emotional!
Great job Cindy!
Reply
:icondarkemoguy:
darkemoguy Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2009
I feel like that all the time
Reply
:iconbeyond-the-pages:
Beyond-the-Pages Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Sometimes, yes. And sometimes, it only feels like it.
Reply
:iconb1gfan:
b1gfan Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2009  Student Writer
I know the feeling :D I so do :) :hug: and I think you've got it just right.

I wonder if you might want to reconsider the line "They act as keys" because the rest of the imagery is all about water and the keys really have no link to that - only the doorknob in line 2 connects that. I wish I had a suggestion for a substituteto help things along, but alas - no.

How's that screenplay coming! :)
Reply
:iconihaveastory:
ihaveastory Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2009  Hobbyist Photographer
This poem builds wonderfully.

they act as keys
unlocking the wellspring


Love that.
Reply
:iconptgreat:
PTGreat Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2009
I've felt like this before, and you've beautifully put it into words :hug:
Reply
:iconimmuniselectrun:
Immuniselectrun Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2009
beautiful :bow:
Reply
:iconalapip:
alapip Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Cindy,

you might not feel comfortable doing this
at first, but venting frustrations using
well crafted strings of profanity generally
works for me. of course, every couple of
weeks one has to desist for a day or two to
break the new habit.

you, living in the more genteel south may
need to rent a season of "Deadwood", to focus
on Jane, the most prolific cusser i've ever
enjoyed. and, remember, practice makes perfect.
also, swearing can be amazing fun, depending on
which reverend's wife is within earshot.

my ex-wife, always very ladylike, was tainted by
Jane for a while. she was a whole lot of fun
to listen to. "did she really say that?"

anyway, Cindy, this poem may be well written, as
is your habit, but please, try swearing.

:heart:
pip
Reply
:iconpardonm3:
pardonM3 Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2009
a choking lament
that dissolves

the world
into weeping



:hug:
If the worlds in the open & close are one, then it ought to be feeling remorse right about now.
Reply
:iconsimply-simon:
Simply-Simon Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2009  Hobbyist Photographer
:(
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